I want to share a happening from today in a blog post, and I’m rather excited about this one. Let me tell you why.
I feel like my blog has some dark, dreary, heavy things on it. It also has quite a lot of hard, honest, wrestling things on it. But sometimes I feel like it’s lacking lovely, beautiful things on it. Sometimes I wish I had more of those beautiful, lovely things to share rather than all this hard stuff.
So today I’m excited about a story that makes me excited, because it feels a little bit more beautiful and not quite so hard. But still honest. Always honest. Otherwise it wouldn’t be me and I may as well not write at all. 🙂
A bit of background, in the past few months, I’ve been realizing that I am a very visual person, and images really speak to me. Images that symbolize deeper meanings. It’s been a delightful discovery, and something God is beginning to use – maybe to get through to me? And so, it quite stirred up my heart today, when my little cross grew to have such lovely meaning.
Here it is, The Story of My Cross.
I was with some lovely ladies today, ladies who encourage me and lovingly nudge me closer to God. So many times when I’m confused or trying to do things on my own, and I crash into a wall or something else, I come back to these women, and they point me back to God, and for that I just say thank you thank you thank you. They mean the world to me.
My cross started off in a pile of pieces, like this.
And as I sat in this circle of lovely women, talking about lovely heart things, my cross evolved from a pile of pieces, into, well, into a cross. My cross.
At first, I wanted my cross to have four nails, with two nails as the cross piece, like this one.
I wanted this because with four nails, the cross is even, 2 and 2. Also with four nails it doesn’t leave one pokey side. That pokey side could scratch someone you know.
But as I was putting this together, for some reason it wasn’t working with four nails. So the cross stays with three nails. Which means it’s a little rough and pointy on one side.
Now for the symbolism. The nails on my cross are God. This connects with how I’m seeing God right now. He’s not at all completely smooth and even and understandable. He’s pokey sometimes, and is definitely capable of causing scratches.
But, despite the pokey-ness of God, there are these little flowers, little roses wound around my cross. These flowers are exciting, because flowers speak of life.
Somehow, despite all the hard and hurt and wrestling that is the majority of my life right now, every once in a while I get these little glimpses of life. And that is comforting and exciting.
And then, lastly on my cross, there’s a little heart. The important thing about this heart is where it is. I wanted this heart to be right in the middle of the cross. I wanted it to be perfectly on the center, sitting there solidly like it knows where it belongs.
Well, that wasn’t working. I couldn’t figure out how to fasten it there. And so instead, the little heart hangs off the side, held on by the stems of the flowers.
This heart is my heart. A heart that wishes it could be solidly planted in the middle of God and who He is… but a heart that just isn’t there. Instead, my heart is a heart that is hanging off the edge. Still attached, but definitely dangling.
Maybe someday my heart with sit squarely in the middle of the nails… but for now, I’d like to be choosing to accept where it is. And I am forever grateful for the stems of new life that are holding my heart fast to those nails.
Maybe only in heaven will my heart be where I want it to be. Maybe in heaven, my cross will be full of flowers. And I know in heaven, there won’t be anything pokey.
Come Lord Jesus, Come.